I bet he comes in French.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
