why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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