they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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