Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
His nipple licking is glorious
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