she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just high enough for therapy.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize