I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
