If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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