I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
