got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
