matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
