I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
