Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
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