You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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