I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So many bounce houses so little time
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
