I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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