Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
