I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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