Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize