The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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