he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs