that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
