I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
