dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
