I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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