Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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