Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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