Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
