Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
