good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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