my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it hurts more in the daytime
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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