someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
