You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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