Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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