you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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