i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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