I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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