we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
