Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
