It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
