I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it because I queefed?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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