haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
