the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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