a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
