Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
