I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
