How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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