What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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