So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
