The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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