Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize