I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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