We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
