guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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