I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
