Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
