Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
