I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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