At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
