Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
