Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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